True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
