6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
