You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
