i don't like sucking hair
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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