you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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