Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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