I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
