Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
