Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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