my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
