Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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