my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
