you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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