im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
