wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
