I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
