Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
