Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
