She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
