Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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