I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
