yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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