One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
