i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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