I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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