What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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