My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
