just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
