If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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