Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
