this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize