i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
