I think I died a long time ago.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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