I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize