Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
