he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
