i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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