Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
