That's intense
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
