By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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