i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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