yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
