Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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