I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm passing your future prison.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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