theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize