There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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