He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
