That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
