I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
