Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
