Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
