she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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