I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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