Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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