Already got asked if we're dating
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
