I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize