I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize