I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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