Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
