Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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