everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
