Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
