You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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