chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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