CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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