we're chasing vodka with high fives
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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