you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
